Not a Jury in the Land
by Ijemanja
Summary: This time he has a really good excuse. A short episode addition for 'Sex Kills', featuring House and Cuddy.


Notes: This is an episode addition for 'Sex Kills'. Also refers to a scene in 'Skin Deep'. So, beware of spoilers, basically.

Summary: This time he has a really good excuse.

NOT A JURY IN THE LAND

by Ijemanja

* * *

'Okay, so show me.'

She came around from behind her desk and stood before him. He blinked at her.

'Uh, no,' he replied.

'You're using your injured groin to try and get out of clinic duty. If it's that bad, you should probably have it examined.'

'Not by you. Or anyone, actually. At least not in a medical capacity - it's not life threatening, it just hurts. Really, really hurts.'

She shrugged, unmoved. 'And still I say, if you want me to let you out of clinic duty, I'm going to need some proof that you're not making it all up. I'm going to need to see it.'

'You're just trying to get me to take off my pants,' he accused, pointing a finger at her. 'I knew you liked it last time.'

'And how did that work out for you, again?'

He stared at her for a moment, disinclined to get into that particular subject just now.

Thinking fast, he asked himself the big question: Just how bad did he not want to work in the clinic today?

His hands moved to his waistband.

Her eyes widened in mild surprise.

'Never try to bluff me,' he said. 'I always call. There, happy?' He pulled out the elastic of his boxer shorts - nothing clingy for him today - and angled his hips towards her.

Her eyes dropped down.

'By the way,' he added, 'If anyone walks in on us right now, I'm so calling sexual harassment on your ass.'

'Wow.'

'Impressive, isn't it?'

She blinked thoughtfully, her head cocked slightly to one side. 'That's some nice bruising.'

'This is the part where you offer to kiss it better.'

'Actually, I wouldn't advise any sexual activity for a few days.' She looked up at him. 'But otherwise that line would have absolutely worked on me. Really, you were this close,' she held her thumb and forefinger in front of his face, and then with a roll of her eyes retreated back behind her desk.

He decided to believe she wasn't being sarcastic.

'You just made my point for me,' he pointed out then. 'Slaving in the clinic all afternoon is out of the question in my delicate state.'

'Interesting as you equating clinic duty with sex is, I don't buy it. Especially since I saw your bike outside this morning - if you can ride a motorcycle, you can see a few patients.' Her eyes dropped back down to waist-level as she added, 'You might want to zip up first, though.'

He did, gingerly, grousing at her all the while.

'_You_ might want to give the lawyers a heads up. I get the feeling I'm going to be misdiagnosing people left and right today. So out of my mind with pain, don't know what I'm doing.'

'I'm willing to take that risk. Now stop arguing and go. You're already five minutes late.'

'Thanks for the compassion,' he muttered, turning towards the door.

Then he stopped, having just realised something. He looked back at her.

'My bike,' he said. 'You knew I rode my bike in today.'

'Yeah...' She looked at him expectantly.

'So...' he mimicked her. 'You didn't have any reason to ask for... _visual confirmation_, since you were going to make me do my hours anyway.'

She gave him a sudden, unabashed grin. 'Turns out I did just want you to take your pants off after all.' She shrugged. 'Didn't think you'd actually do it.'

He stared at her.

'You're getting perverse pleasure out of my pain,' he accused, then added after a moment's pause, 'I feel so used.'

'Call it comeuppance, call it karma,' she shrugged. 'I'll admit, I am enjoying it. Just a little. Not that I approve of violence, even if you did deserve it. But you can't deny that you deserved it.'

He could, and he would have, if his dignity had not demanded he leave her and her smug expression as soon as was physically possible. Though not without a parting shot, of course.

'I can take a picture if you like. You can put it in a frame by your bed and perve your little heart out whenever you want.' He kept talking as he moved to the door. 'I can see how the image of bruised, injured male genitalia would appeal to a woman like you. It's a penis-envy backlash thing, isn't it? Don't be ashamed, we all have our kinks.'

'One of these days someone is going to snap and kill you, you know,' she replied sharply.

He smirked as he pulled the door open. 'Smart money's on you.'

He thought he heard her mutter something about 'justifiable homicide' as the door swung shut behind him.


End file.
